I’m Getting Divorced

The title may be a bit dramatic, given that I am not married. Or even in any sort of more-than-platonic relationship. 

It does reflect the anxiety that has been coursing through my veins for the past…. 16 hours. 

Last night one of my roommates (I have two) told me that she wanted out of our room. This is not out of spite or hurtful intentions. I understand that this wasnt working for her, and it would ho estly help our friendship more if we did NOT live together. 

That doesn’t mean O didn’t cry and hace like… 5 anxiety attacks since last night. 

However we dont ecen know if it can happen yet, as it has to be approved by our RD. I know it’s for the best, but it still makes me really sad. 

I akso haven’t really worked much on the list of positive affirmations about myself. 

Honestly, I am stressed out so much and I cannot actually tell my real life friends about this mess because she asked me to keep it between us until she has the mess sorted out. 

She is talking to the RD today, and I hope this is over fairly quickly. 

*sigh* I am also afraid of how the other roommate will react. 

So in other news… I don’t really have any other news… I have a ton of homework I need to work on, with 0 motivation.

I hope all of you people are having a wonderful day. I will keep you updated on this divorce situatio.  

Trust Yourself

There has been a lot going on this school year. As always, my brain is a mess and trying to sort out any thoughts or feelings about anything is proving difficult.

Because of this, I started going to a counselor recently, and he had me watch a video called “The Anatomy of Trust”  as one of the things I told him was that I am trash at making friends. A very true fact about myself.

I watched the video and even took notes as I watched (#nerdalert!). I tried to understand the areas at which I was failing people.

I took the notes with me the next time I talked to my counselor.I went through the list, trying to figure out where I was going wrong. The thing is, I realized I couldn’t pick a place to start because where my friends are involved, I typically did all of the things suggested.

We started talking about other reasons that people may not trust me. Or why I typically feel like a bad friend. I looked back at my notes and noticed something at the bottom I hadn’t thought back on.

I had written “This list applies to self trust as well”

I was a bit stunned and said “I think I found the problem”

He agreed. Not trusting yourself can cause other people to not trust you either. He said it was because we know ourselves better than anyone else, and if we can’t trust ourselves, why should anyone else.

That shocked me a bit. It’s not like I am intentionally not trusting myself. I didn’t even realize that I DIDN’T trust myself. But as I looked over the list once again, I realized that none f the elements apply to how I treat myself, or feel about myself.

So, I am slowly woking on trusting myself. This week my homework is to write a list of positive things about myself. That is… going.

I plan to upload that when it’s finished.

I do recommend watching that video though, as she makes some really good points about why we trust people. Trust isn’t built in big moments of life or death. They are built through smaller, subtle moments.

I hope you are all doing well and have a wonderful day!

COMMENT QUESTION: How did you learn to trust yourself?

-Violet Knight Owl